I was 18 when the doctors told me that I had contrast an std, scared, lost and confused was how I felt, by the grace of God it was something cur- able and not life threatening. You may read this and think to yourself; It was careless of me and I was being a foolish teen having fun without thinking of the consequences. I was a straight A student, loved sports and president of my class. I never thought in a million years something like this would happen to me but it did.
I remember it like it was yesterday, a bad dream hunting me. February 2005 I was invited to a friend’s birth- day party, we were having fun, en- joying ourselves and that's when Mr. Tall dark and handsome came along. He was cute as can be and what I thought was perfect. He had a great smile, he had a goal, a dream, and he wanted to be somebody. I thought he was too good to be true and I turned out to be right. As the night went along we kept bringing me drinks and I kept saying no. I wasn't a big fan of alcohol I saw what it did to my mom growing up but he kept pushing and finally I said okay.
He said can we go somewhere more quite? Me not thinking at the time told him yes. We were outside in the back talking, having an innocent conversation when he kissed me, I kissed back but he wanted more. I told him I wasn't that type of girl and that I was a virgin and wanted my first time to be special. He kept pushing and I kept saying no, I was taught if a guy can’t take “no” for an answer get out as fast as you can. Don't wait for him to react, get your stuff and leave. I told him I had to go and he ask if he could take me home I told him I was getting a ride I’m fine. I didn't see it coming he snapped at me grabbing my hair, he began to beat me up like I was one of the guys. I try to scream for help and he said "no one is going to hear you, you’re not leaving until I get what I want.”
After he was done he asked me if that was special enough for me. I think I spent the next two days in the shower trying to un- mask his scent and everything about him off me. I never told my mom or anyone. My grades began to fall and I wasn’t the same person anymore. I had supporting teachers who would talk to me asking me if everything was okay because they notice a change in my grades. With the help of staying after school and make up tests I was able to pull my grades back up.
Time seems to be moving slower than usual and with time changes with my body began to happen. I was scared the first thought came to me was I have a disease and I was going to die. I went to the hospital where I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant and I had Chlamydia, I could hear the sound of my heart beating and I felt like a bomb had gone off in my head. I cried my way home and for many days after. I've tried to terminate my pregnancy and my life on several occasions, I told myself my life was over and I truly thought it was. My doctor told me the side effects of having Chlamydia and how it can affect my unborn child life. I finally found the courage to talk to my mom and let her know what had happened and that I was now pregnant with a child I never asked for. I thought she was going to be angry but she held me in her arms and told me everything was going to be okay and that whatever I decided to do she was there with me every step of the way.
I graduated high school and took the year off for college. I have two beautiful 5 years old twin daughters that I love each and every day and a degree in Human Service. My life didn’t turn out as planned but it turned out to be much better than hoped. I'm married to a man who loves me and my daughters like nothing else in this world, I have a mom who supports me through it all and a God who held me in his arms and never let go.
My advice to you, especially our teens, BE CAREFUL and SPEAK NOW. I thought no one would have believed me, and I was alone but remember you are never alone. When you find yourselves in dark days pray, talk to an adult and if you find it hard to talk to them, you write a letter. If I had went to the cops or an adult maybe I could have helped the next girl out there but maybe is some- thing I will never know. Be encouraged and stay in good faith for when one door closes another opens.
I always told my daughters you are more than a conqueror but now I can tell them you are I-Female.
Still pushing forward Hallie
“You are I-Female”
You Are Never Alone